I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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