I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
