I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize