New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
