Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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