My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
