haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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