At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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