Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
