I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
