this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
