But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you would pick up someone in the library
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
