I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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