I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
