I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
