This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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