he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
