Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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