UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
