xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
