My pussy is not your playground.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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