she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
