When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
