Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
