Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
