12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You're like the curious george of whores
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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