hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
