it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
