watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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