you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
