Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
