can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
