Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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