God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
