I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
