I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize