Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
