Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
