So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
