I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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