He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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