3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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