Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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