Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize