so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need moral support for this bender
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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