so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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