Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
