yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize