Please, let me fuck your mom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
