Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
