Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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