what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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