i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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