It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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