fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
