Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
