Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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