So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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