Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
