there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
