Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
