OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
