my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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