watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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