my mouth tastes like poor choices
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They took my balls.
sex in a hospital.. check
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
