Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
