Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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