do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
