i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
being pregnant is like rehab
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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